So, you’ve heard about biohacking, lately right? Courtesy of famous personalities such as Bryan Johnson, Dave Asprey just naming a few out of many. You must probably picturing some mad scientist in a dimly lit basement, injecting themselves with mysterious substances while muttering about “unlocking human potential (Say hello to Captain America from Marvel Cinematic Universe) .” Well, you’re not entirely wrong. But biohacking is more than just dubious DIY experiments involving questionable substances. It’s about optimizing your biology—whether it’s through diet, sleep, or ultra-cool gadgets (cartoon Jetson’s level tech) that track how much of a hot mess you really are.
What the Heck is Biohacking Anyway?
Biohacking is essentially the art and science of tweaking your biology to be your most efficient, productive, and maybe even more like your favorite superhero version of yourself. Want to stay up for 72 hours straight and still be functional? There’s a hack for that. Want to look 10 years younger (without getting a facelift or plastic)? Yep, there’s a hack for that too.
It’s all about improving your body and brain, but let’s be honest, the goal here is to make you feel like a superhuman without requiring a cape—or a professional biohacker degree. Who needs sleep when you’ve got caffeine and a DIY red light therapy setup? (spoiler alert: you do, in fact, need sleep, but we’ll get to that later.)
Hack Your Diet (Because Who Needs a Real Breakfast?)
You may have heard of intermittent fasting (IF). It’s where you fast for a period, then eat your face off during the eating window. Sounds simple, right? You basically skip breakfast, then gorge yourself on what feels like 4 days’ worth of food. In theory, you’re fasting to “reset” your metabolism. In reality, you’re just delaying your inevitable sugar binge until 2 PM. Ideal time for intermitternt fasting is anywhere close to 12-16 hours give or take.
Then there’s the Ketogenic Diet—aka, “I eat bacon and cheese and somehow I’m supposed to lose weight.” Sure, it sounds like the best idea since sliced bread (which, by the way, is definitely not allowed on keto), but can you imagine living without carbs? It’s like asking a golden retriever not to chase a tennis ball—impossible and a little sad.
But hey, if you can cut out sugar, bread, and joy, you might just trick your body into thinking it’s burning fat instead of giving in to every pizza advertisement on Instagram.
Sleep Less. Wait, No, Sleep More. Or…Maybe Both?
Ah, sleep the best thing in the world—the thing we all pretend to get enough of, yet spend most of the time scrolling through instagram reels or TikTok videos or wondering why our pillow isn’t as comfortable as we remember. Biohackers love to talk about polyphasic sleep, which is basically taking multiple short naps throughout the day instead of one long slumber. You know, like your pet who takes 100 naps but still runs on a wheel like a caffeine-addicted squirrel.
The idea behind polyphasic sleep is that it should optimize your REM cycles, allowing you to get more rest in less time. In practice, though, it turns out that humans are not hamsters. You might end up sleep-deprived, cranky, and maybe a little delusional (like trying to go to work in pajamas, thinking it’s a Saturday).
But, hey, we can still try, right? Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky few who doesn’t need eight hours of shut-eye to function like a semi-decent human.
Gadgets: Because If It Doesn’t Beep, Does It Even Work?
Focus on AI and genetics reflects a growing trend in biohacking, opening discussions on ethical implications and societal impacts of advanced technologies in health. Every biohacker worth their weight in adaptogens has a wearable. Fitbits, Apple Watches, Oura Rings, the list goes on. These gadgets promise to track everything from your steps to your stress levels, your heart rate, and probably how many seconds you spend staring blankly into space each day.
Here’s the thing: If you’re not measuring it, can you really improve it? But if you’re measuring it too much, will you actually just become obsessed with the fact that you’re sitting down for 25 minutes straight without a single step? Spoiler: you will.
Now, if you’re into “quantified self” experiments (that’s a thing, trust us), you can take it a step further with devices that analyze your sleep stages and your heart variability. Yes, that’s right—biohackers are now testing their microbiomes like they’re conducting a high-stakes science experiment. Some people are even sending poop samples to labs for a full-on microbiome breakdown. Why? Because biohacking is weird—but it’s kind of amazing. Technology can facilitate personal health optimization, paving the way for future biohacking practices.
Mind Hacks: Because Your Brain Needs to Chilloo Chill
Imagine If your brain were a smartphone, it would be running random 50 apps, 15 of them would be frozen, and it would be out of battery by 2 PM. So, biohackers want to “optimize” the ol’ noggin with techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and even nootropic supplements that promise to make you way smarter (even though the side effect may be that you talk about quantum physics at parties).
Epigenetics and Lifestyle is the choices we make daily can alter our genetic expression, emphasizing the need for mindful living to optimize health outcomes. One popular biohacking supplement is the little-known L-theanine, which is derived from green tea. This substance allegedly helps with focus, relaxation, and keeping you from turning into a stressed-out ball of anxiety. But beware, combining L-theanine with caffeine may result in a superhuman, laser-focused version of yourself—but also an inability to remember where you put your keys.
Don’t Actually Do Anything (Sometimes the Best Hack is Not Hacking)
OK, let’s get serious for a second. Biohacking is fun, but there’s something to be said for taking a break from trying to “optimize” every waking second. Some of the best biohacking tips are really just about stopping—like taking a deep breath, getting some sunshine, and calling your mom. Because at the end of the day, no one really needs to run on espresso and existential dread just to get through a Monday (Im an looking at you Monday!!).
And who knows? Maybe one day, the ultimate biohack will just be to let your body do its thing. #Trust